Etiquette of Traditional Chinese Wedding Ceremony [三书六礼]

Traditional Chinese weddings are rich in meaning with The Three Letters and The Six Etiquettes (三书六礼) form the backbone of these ceremonies, guiding couples through a series of meaningful rituals.

These ancient customs, dating back over 2,000 years, are still practiced in modern Chinese weddings.

Origins of Traditional Chinese Wedding Ceremony

Chinese wedding traditions have deep roots in ancient history. These customs blend love, family, and cultural values in unique ways. Let’s explore how these practices began and what they mean.

Traditional Wedding Ceremony in Ancient China

Ancient Chinese weddings were rich with meaning. They started in the Zhou Dynasty, around 1046-256 BC.

Zhou Gong 周公 (zhōu gōng), whose father, Zhou Wu Wang 周文王 (zhōu wén wáng) also known as the Duke of Zhou, played a big role in today’s traditional Chinese wedding tradition.

In the ancient China, “Three Letters and Six etiquettes” become the ritual that had to be followed in order for the couple to be married.

Focusing on respect, Chinese families took these customs very seriously. A wedding ceremony that join two families, and not just two people. Every step had a special purpose. From picking the date to saying vows, each part mattered.

Three Letters & The Six Etiquettes

The “Three Letters and Six Etiquettes” (三书六礼, sān shū liù lǐ) are key parts of old Chinese weddings. They show how detailed these events were.

The Three Letters are:

• The Betrothal Letter 聘书 (pìn shū)
• The Gift Letter 礼书 (lǐ shū)
• The Wedding Letter 迎亲书 (yíng qīn shū)

The Six Etiquettes include:

1. The Proposal 纳采 (nà cǎi)
2. Birthdate Matching 问名 (wèn míng)
3. Auspicious Dates 纳吉 (nà jí)
4. Formal Proposal With Betrothal Gifts 纳征 (Nàzhèng)
5. Setting the Wedding Date 请期 (Qǐngqǐ)
6. Welcoming the Bride 亲迎 (Qǐnyíng)

These steps made sure both families agreed. They also brought good luck to each of the 2 families.

Today, some couples still use parts of these old customs. They mix them with new ideas to make their day special.

Three Letters (三书)

The Three Letters play a crucial role in traditional Chinese wedding customs. These written documents formalize the union and demonstrate respect between families.

1. Betrothal Letter – 聘书 (pìn shū)

The Betrothal Letter marks the official engagement between two families. You’ll find this letter beautifully crafted, often on red paper with golden characters.

It contains the groom’s family name, birth date, and astrological sign.

The letter also expresses the groom’s family’s sincere wish to unite with the bride’s family. You might notice poetic phrases and auspicious symbols decorating the edges.

When you receive this letter, it’s a joyous moment. It signifies the beginning of your journey towards marriage.

2. The Gift Letter – 礼书 (lǐ shū)

The Gift Letter accompanies the betrothal gifts sent to your family. It lists all the items included in the bride’s dowry, known as 嫁妆 (jià zhuāng).

You’ll find this letter meticulously detailed. It might include:

• Jewelry
• Clothing
• Household items
• Symbolic gifts

The Gift Letter shows the groom’s family’s generosity and respect for you. It also serves as a record of the exchanged items.

3. the Wedding Letter – 迎亲书 (yíng qīn shū)

The Wedding Letter is the final document in this trio. You’ll receive this on your wedding day. It formally invites you to join the groom’s family.

This letter is often the most elaborate. You might see intricate designs and heartfelt words expressing joy and welcome.

The Wedding Letter includes the exact time the groom will arrive to escort you. It’s a touching reminder of the new chapter in your life.

Six Etiquettes (六礼)

The Six Etiquettes form the heart of traditional Chinese wedding customs. These steps guide couples through a meaningful journey from matchmaking to marriage.

Each ritual holds deep significance and brings families closer together.

1. The Proposal With The Aid of a Matchmaker – 纳采 (Nàcài)

Your journey begins with a matchmaker. This trusted person acts as a go-between for your families. They share your interests and background with potential matches.

The matchmaker visits the bride’s family. They bring gifts and express your interest in marriage. These gifts often include tea, wine, or fruits. Your family’s reputation is key at this stage.

If the bride’s family accepts, they keep some gifts. This shows they’re open to the match. The process moves forward with hope and excitement.

2. Birthdates & Name Matching – 问名 (Wènmíng)

Now it’s time to learn more about each other. Your families exchange birth dates and times. These details are important for fortune-telling.

The groom’s family asks about the bride’s name and birthday. They use this info to check if you’re a good match. An astrologer or fortune-teller often helps with this.

The Bridal Gifts 聘金 (pìnjīn) is also discussed. This is a gift from the groom’s family to the bride’s. It shows respect and thanks for raising their daughter.

3. Auspicious Dates – 纳吉 (Nàjì)

Choosing the right date is crucial. You want a lucky day for your wedding. An astrologer or fortune-teller helps pick this date.

They look at your birthdates and the Chinese lunar calendar. The goal is to find a day that brings good luck and harmony.

Once a date is chosen, both families agree. This step builds excitement for the upcoming ceremony.

4. Formal Proposal With Betrothal Gifts – 纳征 (Nàzhèng)

The formal proposal is a big moment. The groom’s family sends betrothal gifts to the bride’s family. These gifts are a symbol of respect and commitment.

Common gifts include:

• Gold or jade jewelry
• Tea and wine
• Traditional cakes
• Money in red envelopes

The bride’s family accepts these gifts. This seals the engagement. Both families start planning for the wedding with joy.

5. Setting the Wedding Date – 请期 (Qǐngqǐ)

With engagement official, it’s time to set the date. The groom’s family sends a formal letter to the bride’s family. This letter proposes the chosen wedding date.

If the bride’s family agrees, they send back half of the betrothal cakes. This act confirms the wedding date. Both families then start preparing for the big day.

You might send out wedding invitations at this stage. Friends and family eagerly await your special day.

6. The Wedding Ceremony, Welcoming the Bride – 亲迎 (Qǐnyíng)

The big day arrives! The groom goes to the bride’s home. He brings a bridal sedan chair for her, which in today’s context, the groom welcomes the bride using a 花车 (huāchē). it is a car decorated with wedding flowers or in red, a lucky color in Chinese culture.

At the venue, you perform traditional Chinese tea ceremony, paying respect to the brides’ parents and thank them for entrusting you with their daughter, and you vow to take care of your bride

Then you will welcome your bride to your home, while your friends and family line the streets to cheer you on and firecrackers might be set off to ward away evil spirits.

Reaching the groom’s place, you will start the final ceremony of the 3 bows where your pay respect to the deity, your parents and finally mutual respect for your other half

The ceremony ends with a feast where you celebrate your new life together with loved ones.

With your journey through the Six Etiquettes is complete, and your married life begins.

Wedding Canvas Collection

Find your custom wedding canvas designed personally for you, canvas art with traditional Chinese culture made to enchant a loving memories that last forever.

Shop With Us